The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
