I'm really into asian looking animals
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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