I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
