I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
