It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
