i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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