Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
