it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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