Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
