We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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