I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
