Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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