If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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