Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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