If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
