I think I died a long time ago.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
