No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
