Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
