I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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