I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
