He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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