i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it hurts more in the daytime
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
