Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
