having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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