I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
