do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
