I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
40s are totally the cure
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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