I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
