Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
