Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's never too late to be topless.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
