hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
