Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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