We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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