Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
