There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
