omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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