i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
