My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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