cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
