we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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