It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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