Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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