Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
