The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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