Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
