i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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