I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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