you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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