I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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