Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
