I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
